Secret Smile

Nobody knows it but you've got a secret smile
And you use it only for me
Nobody knows it but you've got a secret smile
And you use it only for me

So use it and prove it
Remove this whirling sadness
I'm losing, I'm bluesing
But you can save me from madness

Nobody knows it but you've got a secret smile
And you use it only for me
Nobody knows it but you've got a secret smile
And you use it only for me

So save me I'm waiting
I'm needing, hear me pleading
And soothe me, improve me
I'm grieving, I'm barely believing now, now

When you are flying around and around the world
And I'm lying alonely
I know there's something sacred and free reserved
And received by me only

Flight of the Valkyries

Thats one of Wagner's famous pieces,which i assume gained popularity with the masses after the much acclaimed Tom Cruise movie "Valkyrie".

Well,i just got back from my Practical/Ice Breaking session at Sunway/Shah Alam for the Red Bull Rookies. I was abso-fucking-lutely awesome! Imagine Adrenaline laced with red bull,severe competition as in competant and tough competition...tell me,whats not to like about the weekend?

Also,i had quality time, with both my folks and my extended family...Saturday was an eye opener,as i understood what the media wants...they want interesting people who play by the borders of SAFE...which i'm not soo sure i was.

Anyway, in my short interview i was asked to tell about myself and i actually said "i'm a boring person, who reads extensively, goes to the gym 3 times a week, hang out and chat over coffee with my friends and mostly work"

...thats me in present tense  but i am FAR from boring...i'm a practicing doctor who plays basketball,futsal and pool and represented my varsity in the intervarsity games in Moscow, while i was at that,i DJ-ed for a bit at Hard Rock Moscow and then went on to teach English to an Expatriate Korean Family,pretty good at paintball too...could drink like a fish at some point.

Oh well,i missed that boat...too bad...now i'll have to rebrand myself.

I want to be one of the Top 6,and something tells me,even though the competition was tough...i will be there...i am FEELING GOOD.

I'm realigning myself with my goals...till the next one.

Bali

As the title is self explainatory,we shall just get to business.

Our very tiring albeit fun journey started on the 23rd of Jan and ended on the 26th of Jan...as i type this out, i' am fighting the urge to drown myself in Benedryl...i hate, and i mean HATE being sick,makes you soo counter productive and thats not the person that i am!

Bali was the same as it was 2 years ago,but just slightly different,its probably because i'm taking everything in with a different view?

It was absolutely refreshing and of course we had a blast,i'm glad all the first timers had enoumours fun.The food was really good and Jimbaran's seafood dinner was out of this world. 

Remember how i said my walkabout starts today in my last entry?it really did start at that time,i've gotten myself a copy of Animal Farm by Orwell just to expand my view on communism and if you think about it,wouldn't you be curious to know who portrays a pig the best?

right now,my nose is blocked,i've got tears welling up in my eyes and...i've got a sorethroat!!

well...let me finish who'll cry when you die and continue enlightening you people.

More about Walkabouts

Lets continue with the next observation;

4)I desperately need a walkabout.....lets call it 'self-preservation'.

5)I've become intolerant of stupidity, unreasonable obsessions, small talk, self pity, victim talk and certain types of humans.

6)I didn't see the 26 year old me as  the person i am today, i'm not sure of what i exactly saw,but i think it did involve being elsewhere, doing something more significant and still living the good life.

Don't get me wrong, i was made to serve and get my hands soaked in blood, its just that, i'm not sure if i should be here or someplace in Sierra Leone working in a MSF camp. 

7) As much i did enjoy bringing along my favourite vices with me, i think i should CONSIDER quitting my carcinogenic pack of 20s.

8) I have to get into a fitness regime...this means serious business and being in OPD, is giving me time to spend on getting fit from fat.

9) Sure i've conquered MRCS part 1, there's still part 2 and 3...lets not forget my ingenious plan of leaving the country.

10) Orthopedics is it i guess,its fun and it involves power drills,nuts, bolts, screws, nails and spine surgeries.

11) My walkabout starts today, with books, the discovery channel, small trips, luxurious time with loved ones, getting fit and being an honest human being.

Lets call this my declaration for now...i'm sure i'll come up with something brilliant by the end of the year,and life's been good to me of late, i've been getting my much needed cerebral orgasms with Beekins and Reena,my rekindled relationship with Azie and of course...my baby boss...she's always around to shed some light and make me Mr.Brightside whenever i need to be.By the way, we've been friends and i mean.....reeaaallllyy good friends for 8 years now.Time does fly.

In our guts (Reena, Syu and Mine) we know 2009 will be a good year...and i'm not going to make it any lesser than that.

I'll soon be sipping Mojitos on the beach...will tell you how that walkabout goes.

Walkabout

When Hitler decided to write a book, he thought of 'Mein Kempf' a very poorly written autobiography which i assume went well with the Nazis and made it to the dinner table of the Churchills.

Most of us make declarations; a very well thought through and meticulous action plan...for the benefit of 'self' of course. Very alike to Hitler's 'Mein Kempf', just without the pompousness and foolish pride.

The New Year came and went and through this time i did absolutely everything to keep myself occupied and not think of resolutions,i did however think of one very reasonable thing to do,i took my favourite vices and junkie shoes with me.

Through this time, i sat for a paper...rekindled old friendships and tried desperately to have my 'walkabout'.

Here's the thing about walkabouts...you dont learn much,infact you don't learn at all if you decide to sit yourself in the comfort of your living room and not move for about 12 hours. I mean, it is called a walkabout for a reason isn't it?

Some things i did realize was that;

1)Penang drivers are useless and tire me effortlessly.Seriously.

2) I don't like remaining idle (yeah i have work and some form of life)

3) I need to achieve something remarkable....soo abso-fucking-lutely remarkable that it would blow anyone's mind out...no really...

i shall continue this in a bit.

26

Poker, Chablis, Junkie Shoes, Family, Pseudo-intellectuallism, Life, Aspirations, Needs, Goofing off...is how i'd describe turning 26 was.

I had a remarkable birthday, well as reens put it, "the converse dream and the good charlotte look"...yeah i totally pulled that one off.

The 4 of us- Beekins, Todler Jeff, Reena and meself had a 3 day holiday in penang of course...thanks guy.

it felt funny turning 26 biologically while being 5 yrs old in all other senses.the girls i.e homies got me a nice handbag, bee,jeffy and reens got me a pair of converse, Praveen bought me dinner and a very well improvised cake...(big apple doughnuts)!

must say,i am one lucky person...26 seems to have started on the right foot,i'm sure i'd have a lot to look forward to in 2009.

Cheers

Ain't No Mountain High Enough!

Of late i've been thinking,or reflecting on the kind of person i am.

I would like to think of myself as an Idealist...and an Optimist...definitely not a realist (my dad would vouch for this) certainly far from a pessimist.

I handle pressure very well,infact i thrive on it.Reena said something that made sense yesterday "You like being miserable!" ,that, in respect to my livelihood of course,nothing else.

My dad summed me up quite well; "Pubs have a limited number of hours called Happy Hours!, but with Roshan, every hour is HAPPY HOUR" 

No am not HUGE on alcohol,apparently i am way too lackadaisikal for my own good and extremly laid back, not an asocial (new term learnt from Ashviny-apparently Anti Social would denote someone who is against social well being i.e: Vandals, THUS asocial!) Oh and i'm ALWAYS looking to have a good time.

I've also recently learnt that i am very very sensitive, as much as i would like to think otherwise.I constantly live with certain dissatisfactions,most of which are from myself about myself and i KNOW how to handle them...its just that procrastination is my biggest vice. Coming back to being sensitive,its quite simple really, i rarely allow anyone into my inner circle and when i do, anything said or done by them does matter....see am such a sucker aren't i?

Anyway, More insights- I have simple tastes-i only want the best...its not a statement,its just a feel good factor, its for self satisfaction. As much as most people think i care about others?i really don't, don't ask me what happened to so and so and so...because i wouldn't know,seriously uninterested. 

Sometimes i wonder,are my views about life and the way i should lead my life rather peculiar?i've come to a conclusion, i'm refreshing, yes i am!...think about it seriously...

I believe in an inner locus of control, i.e: no one or nothing can be blamed for something that happens to you, because they are all subtle lessons. How you view them however pretty much is expressed in your reciprocal actions. That said, i would come off as someone with a lead shield, i do really, i would seem nonchalant,uncaring and heartless-to those who know not of me.

I believe and i mean strenly believe that life has been,is being and will be very kind to me...i would simply sum up my daily being as 'living the good life'. Not many count their blessings on a daily manner,but i do.

i am not feeling very 'Jay-Jay' today, i know why and...somehow i hate feeling this way...but someone once told me, experience it and turn it away in less than a day. 

I have 6weeks to go before my Intercolleagiate MRCS, and i am still chilling out. I need resilience and a schedule.

I can't let the sands of time slip through my fingers...no i won't allow self sabotage!

Theme song for this week: Ain't no mountain high enough by Marvin Gaye.

Bein...Tres Bein.

As we get older,we'd like to believe we've become more mature and serious about ourselves and lifes.

At this present moment i'm suppose to be sitting myself down to go through past year questions,instead i realised how dry and dreary my blog has become.I used to have people who'd faithfully read my blog on a daily basis...now even i don't visit my blog on a daily basis.

SO why not,indulge myself in some deviation thats quite fulfilling and update it?

Anyway,here are some things i've come to notice about the mass public that i deal with.They demand to be served VERY WELL at the doctors office, where on average you'd see 80 to 100 patients a day (Out Patient Dept), meaning in a span of 9 Hours (assuming you skip lunch) you are suppose to see 10-12 patients which means each patient gets on average 5mins of your time. During the span of which you aspire to give your best to them.

No seriously,i ALWAYS have a smile on my face when i deal with my patients...giving them the impression, that i'm still fresh as i was at 7.55 am that morning. SO then you get a fair deal of let downs, i.e: a young girl with multiple non-specific complaints that have no corelation what so ever, so you can either a) treat symptomatically, or b) get several tests done to ascertain you are doing the right thing. i usually choose (b), once they realise i'll need to put them through the ordeal of drawing blood, they'll come clean and say..."i just a day off"

At this point...i usually take a deep breathe and say, sure...next time just walk in and say i need the day off and DON'T LET ME WASTE 10 MINUTES LOOKING FOR A CAUSE WHICH I WOULDN'T FIND...10 minutes which belongs to a patient with heart failure perhaps?

Well,with all that discounted,i have patients who walk in after waiting for half an hour (according to turn) and start screaming at the top of their lungs- 

"What the hell is this? i'm a tax payer! i pay you YOUR salary!...how dare you make me wait for half an hour?"

And this guy had a cold, and was too cheap to buy some benedryl and panadol from the pharmacy which would've costed him RM12 and no time wasted.

See what i like about these people is that, they are the biggest bigots walking on the face of earth, they'd badger someone in the service industry for making them wait 30 minutes (not on purpose) but would not question the 'politician' or the 'ADUN' when things aren't delivered for 8 years.

I love Malaysians, especially the ones who pay me my salary.

When the next patient walked in, i still had a smile plastered on my face...and that patient didn't know if he was seeing the same doctor who delt with the earlier patient.

Anyway, as cowardly as Malaysians are...after collecting the benedryl,piriton,panadol and thymol gargle, the tax paying citizen walked in to say, 'jangan salah faham doktor, saya tak berapa sihat'...

Of course, i nodded with a smile.

Give Out What You Want Most To Come Back.

I started off this entry with something totally different and now i'm here, my attention span's too short. No regrets being in the service industry though, i'm learning something new everyday.

I guess,i don't take things too seriously...i still see the humor in al of this...i mean, imagine how stupid that guy would've felt when he realised i didn't react to his temper?

You've gotta love life!

SO what?

I guess i just lost my husband
I don't know where he went
So i'm gonna drink my money
I'm not gonna pay his rent (Nope)
I got a brand new attitude
And i'm gonna wear it tonight
I wanna get in trouble
I wanna start a fight

I wanna start a fight
I wanna start a fight

So so what?
I'm still a rock star
I got my rock moves
And i don't need you
And guess what
I'm having more fun
And now that we're done
I'm gonna show you tonight
I'm alright, I'm just fine
And you're a tool
So so what?
I am a rockstar
I got my rock moves
And i don't want you tonight

Uh, check my flow, uh

The waiter just took my table
And gave to Jessica Simp- Shit!
I guess i'll go sit with drum boy
At least he'll know how to hit
What if this song's on the radio
Then somebody's gonna die
I'm gonna get in trouble
My ex will start a fight
He's gonna start a fight
We're all gonna get in a fight!

So so what?
I'm still a rock star
I got my rock moves
And i don't need you
And guess what
I'm having more fun
And now that we're done
I'm gonna show you tonight
I'm alright, I'm just fine
And you're a tool
So so what?
I am a rock star
I got my rock moves
And i don't want you tonight

You weren't there
You never were
You want it all
But thats not fair
I gave you love
I gave my all
You weren't there
You let me fall

So so what?
I'm still a rock star
I got my rock moves
And i don't need you
And guess what
I'm having more fun
And now that we're done (we're done)
I'm gonna show you tonight
I'm alright(I'm alright),I'm just fine (I'm just fine)
And you're a tool
So so what?
I am a rock star
I got my rock moves
And i don't want you tonight

No No, No No
I Don't want you tonight
You weren't there
I'm gonna show you tonight
I'm alright, I'm just fine
And you're a tool
So so what?
I am a rock star
I got my rock moves
And i don't want you tonight

SOS

A good musical is one that captures your attention from the very begining till the last song.

I watched a good one today, Mamma Mia...awesome,it was.

Confusion sets in when, you know somethings either not good for you,like a sinful eclair and you want it,but you know you arent supposed to have it. Or when you are down right cheeky and curious....and you know the forbidden fruit is the forbidden fruit for a reason.

Suddenly you find yourself in a rut,to have or not to have?to taste or not to taste?

So confusion sets in, anyway,heard of wars without casualties?...no? neither have i.

The thing about setting borders and compartmentalizing is that,more often than not,we do it to align ourselves with what we'd be able to handle.

Aristotle once said,we are what we repeatedly do.

I shudder to think of what i've become.I was looking through my posts that date back to the year 2006,and something tells me i was in my prime at that time.I read at least 2 books a week, right from Bulgakov to Dostoyevsky,i knew my single malts and whites, i was strong with my principles and i had some form of discipline.My vocabulary was vast and i had benching sessions where politics and satire exsisted coherantly. 

I've totally drifted from the point i was trying to make but,here's a thought STAGFLATION, anybody?

On a lighter note, you are officially reading the blog of a soon to be service medical officer of UROLOGY....Erectile Dysfunction will soon be something unheard of (note to readers,this is applicable in cases where i am PERSONALLY involved)

I will be getting my new ride soon...its none other than a Suzuki Swift,1.5...with 100 HPs...can't wait to hear the sound of the engine and feel its response in my hands.

So till the next one,keep thy self entertained with Mamma Mia's SOS.

Choices

There are times when certain songs sing the tune playing in your head...today there are two tunes playing in my head.

Jeff buckley's everybody here wants you...

Twenty-nine pearls in your kiss

A singing smile

Coffee smell and lilac skin

Your flame in me

Hmm, such a thing of wonder in this crowd
I'm a stranger in this town
You're free with me
And our eyes locked in downcast love
I sit here proud
Even now you're undressed in your dreams with me

Oh, I'm only here for this moment

and the other one being secret garden by bruce springstein.

I never knew

There comes a time in your life when you stop and ask yourself, why? why now?...

You tend to wonder if its all intended or accidental...if fate actually took part in messing up your life.Then you wonder off wondering again if this is all it comes down to.

I've started to see patterns in my life...

Law of attraction,you attract what you want,really. You really like your comfort zone but you would like some fun.I have attracted nothing but non commital relationships,be it at work or in my personal life.I can meet a person who could give me attention,time,hormone surges and then some...but i could also keep that person at arms length,that i know is UNFAIR...but as i said earlier,i'm quite comfortable where i am.

Then the other pattern...i tend to like moving about...i don't want to remain put at a certain period of time...i need my breath of fresh air.I need change...regularly (now i sound like engine oil)

I get scared, when someone gets to know me,gets what makes me tick....gets what i want or like.I get scared because my practice of self preservation can indeed cost me dearly...very dearly. I'd like to think that i have made my core friends(extended family members)and am not looking anymore,but then every now and then life teases you with unexpected surprises.

WHY NOW?...i don't fucking know.

And what i really can't understand is why am i such a commitment phobe?i am talking about anything.Not just relationships,but basically anything really,you would need to confirm and reconfirm if its happening.

I hate conforming to norms and rules created by some fool which other 'cultured' fools follow, if its not going to make sense don't bother wasting time at this page.

I like the way we coin terms, to justify EVERYTHING we do...why? i don't know...

"we are in a relationship, an open relationship...so we aren't really exclusive or anything but we are in a open relationship",whatever the hell thats supposed to mean,its either a relationship or its not.

Thats how bloody lame we've become...i have no idea whats in store for us,but at the rate we are going i would rather be classified under 'poultry' than human.

 I never knew that everything was falling through

That everyone I knew was waiting on a queue

To turn and run when all I needed was the truth
But that's how it's got to be
It's coming down to nothing more than apathy
I'd rather run the other way than stay and see,The smoke and who's still standing when it clears.

Northern star

There was once an obedient child,a good daughter...a textbook golden child.Who excelled in school...she was what the teachers called 'promising',and no she didn't disappoint.Although,she does claim to be a netball player,i personally haven't heard exceptional stories regarding the sportsman in her.

Being a perfectionist and slightly obsessive compulsive,takes its toll later in life,but for the time being she took great care of her belongings...wrapped her books,ironed her clothes,wore pristine white shoes,matching ribbons for her hair and razor sharp pencils for monday morning at school.This girl had a natural endowment for art but wasn't very expressive with her artwork,she was more of a "this is due next week,lets start today and by the time its due it will be perrrfecttt!"

On weekends she would tutor her cousins (she was considered somewhat bright),take long walks along the beach with her father while catching crabs and wait for the 'kuih man' on sunday evenings(thats if her father had enough change for a football team).She had her special weekends with her father who would take her across to Penang for Ice Cream at Kek Sing.(this place still exsists!)He claimed they were the best on the Island.

SO, this girl turned into a teenager,who at her time beat the society's standards for what a woman should score in LSC (Lower Secondary Certificate) and went on to complete her HSC (High Secondary Certificate).Many admirers followed...no actually i'm making this part up.The very same year that she sat for her HSC she had lost her father prior to her exams.

Shaken up...lost...full of doubt...pain...and more pain,this lioness picked up the pieces and started working...her studies had to wait for a while (by the way she did well in her HSC),there were no two ways about it.She worked hard,fast and smart...she lost all form of self pity and pain.She educated herself and contributed to the household expenses.She was now a Woman.

She met an intelligent man,with shy kind eyes and slightly absent minded.Well,long story short they moved to Kuala Lumpur shortly after getting marring and started a life together.

Well,many years have passed since then...and today she is one whose passion for life, living and loving sees no boundaries.She is one and all of the following-a good child,student,friend,employee,wife,mother...in an essence a congenial person.

Till date she does her son's art homework and insists on polishing his shoes, this is the obsessive compulsive bit superimposed with the perfectionist bit.By the way her car is filled with minute scratches,but none caused by her!

...She's my northern star,my natural compass,see while most ship captains navigate their course according to the northern star,i would disobediently go against it (illogical choice but the more interesting one)...and when i finally am lost(and if i admit it),it'll guide me home.

My northern star turns a significant age now,and she should know that she has achieved a lot,yes you have.You've made yourself a doctor,an engineer...and a soon to be cartel leader.You've got a warm home,a devoted husband and a band full of rascals to keep you entertained and you do your part to make the world a better place.

I can't think of a better way of saying this,but you have come a long way,and you still have a long way to go...keep that passion burning...and stop polishing your son's shoes,its not acceptable.

Happy birthday Mum.

Bring it on back

The title has nothing to do with the post,its just a song i'm listening to.

Well,the irony of the 'gosudarstvo' is like this, they increase fuel prices,they increase the price of rice and sugar but no they dont increase your pay.
See its a sin to deprive someone of their basic needs,its understood that if you could afford to own a car you can afford to fuel it.
But food?...what happens to the super poor?so they stop eating all together?
Then,they say lets give doctors a better quality of life by increasing after office hour perks, i.e government locum at RM80 per hour, WHOA!...thats a shit load of cash,you work 4 hours and you have RM320...holy crap! that in doctor hours means 3 oncall claims for a houseman and 2 for a medical officer.
SO then the director of Hosp. Pulau Pinang decides to scrutinize all the call claims and decides that doctors who don't punch in or out can't claim.Some of my colleagues have lost up to 4 claims...you do the math.
Now,newsflash B****!,most of the time we are operating,when we aren't, we are looking into patients,and some of us don't bathe,eat or sleep for up to 36hours,the LAST thing you should do is NOT give us our call claims.
Next,you've taken over the locum list and decided to give slots to people who HAVEN'T actively practiced medicine,i.e high ranking administrative officers who essentially are doctors and deprive other practising doctors who have been doing the dirty work wayyy before the hike!
so now,clean your act up and give us what's rightfully ours.
Oh and by the way,when we have up to 200 patients to see from 8am to 12 pm (4hours) please don't expect us to see 50 patients an hour,and give them the BEST health care plan,because its humaly impossible to deduce anything within a minute!...
Looks like you NEVER practiced medicine eh?
Nevermind,keep your title,be a hypocrite and terrorize us will you.Afterall,after the patients have demoralized us you can take over and make us wish that we never choose medicine as a profession in the first place.

P/s:if i don't get my call claims,you'll be handing in your resignation letter soon.

Sentimentality is the failure of feeling

A friend of mine once read somewhere that 'sentimentality is the failure of feeling.'

Interestingly,i find it rather contradictory but very true at the same time.
Anyway,here's something to ponder upon, When you do everything in moderation and put up walls where you shouldnt have to,and lets say you don't allow yourself sentiments such as love and going totally crazy do you in the end lead an extreamly moderate and regulated life that lacks passion?
I think i am heading somewhere there...
No really,think about it.

So sentimentality can be regarded as being stuck in a past or constantly thinking about something we never had to begin with but,relentlessly trying to keep it in our grasp.

Then what happens is that,we totally neglect the present which is full of wonders (in an optimist's point of view) or funny turns (a pessimist's point of view),we fail to live!
No that shouldnt happen,i would certainly consider that a punishment of the highest order.Think about it, how can you sabotage your very sense of being???
Its pathetic really.

Here's a website that might rejuvenate you:http://www.flickr.com/photos/vasilyi

It belongs to a good friend of mine,who i must say is a fantastic artist.

Can anyone tell me though,are you able to pick up all the pieces and move on and then give yourself a clean slate without self bashing?

God,trying to make his way through.

God.

Most of us associate the above term with everything divine and sacred.
Some of us accept it as the term deemed appropriate for the 'creator' of the universe.
Joan Osbourne asked if God had a name,would we call it to his face?
she also asked if he was one of us what would his face look like and would he be ordinary like any one of us.

There are many religions, no doubt, and all of them preach in an essence the same things albeit differently.Most pious people would disagree with this post and might call it blasphemy but seriously most of these people are like carriage horses whose eyes have been shielded so that they don't get distracted.

Religion, i believe,i repeat I BELIEVE was created to offer order and peace to a then very chaotic civilization. If we did take lets say Islam as a religion *purely for references,no pun intended*, Prophet Mohammad was based in Mecca which was then the center of trade and finance for all the tribes that lived in surrounding cities and Mecca.At that time not only were they flourishing as a civilization but corruption was prevalent , so was adultery ,everyone knew and practiced certain pleasures of life and theft/murder was on the rise. He had a epiphany at the age of 40 while he was up on a mountain meditating. He spread the message of god which then led to creation of Islam which in turn made sure of peace, order, equality, taxes, regimented praying times which of course left no time for anyone to be even mildly intoxicated.
The Quran -a Holy reference used by Muslims around the world,dictated a way of life that was of course governed by rules-Islamic rules.Without doubt, life in Mecca became more palatable and logical.More traders from various tribes came in and out thus making this civilization flourish.
Now, coming back to my point, Most of us deem God as the giver of life,he forgives all, he loves unconditionally. We are all equals in the eyes of god.No judgments passed. Yet,not ONE of us can ascertain that God really does exist,not ONE of us can prove it. But because there are a lot of inexplicable things by science most of us do then say this is the work of a supreme power,something beyond you and me.
Granted those are all valid points and arguments. We all need to believe in something,we all need faith, we all need guidance, we do if not for the sake of the world but for ourselves-HOPE...universally there's just one common factor amongst us...our faith in GOD...or the lack of it.
I've never been able to fathom how anyone could blindly believe in something they've never seen/felt/smelt.
That said,my version of God or The supreme power are my parents.
I know of no other god than them.I know of religions, but god?
I only know my parents
This,i can prove:
1) They love unconditionally-CHECK
2) Forgives/doesn't judge-CHECK
3) Provider-CHECK
4) Governance of life/behavior/rules- CHECK
...and drum roll for the final one....
5) They instill FEAR! (yea yea i am still afraid of my folks)


i know there are marvels around us that are still unexplained...i am not going to sit and ponder upon it like the theory of relativity nor am i going to try to figure out an answer.Whoever or Whatever has given us the universe,has given it for a reason...and instead of trying to screw with it,i guess we should just value what we have and get on with life.
Lets try NOT destroying something for once...and we might attain Moksha.

Luckiest Person Alive

You know when we used to be younger and there was always this kid who either had the coolest toy or gadget or car or went to all the coolest places because his/her parents could afford it and always allowed it?
And how most of us secretly envied or hated that kid?

i AM that kid.

I was always given anything and everything that i wanted,well, except for the hovercraft that i wanted and my parents just didnt think a ten year old knew how to pilot a hovercraft and OF COURSE i didn't need one as it was my parents who always had to beat the traffic for me.

so,i don't know if i am hated or envied or loved...but whatever position i'm in right now,feels soo damn good...not as a Junior Medical Officer,but as my parents' offspring.

i'll soon be 26...and the support i get from them is unbelievable.I am still pampered and given astonishing amounts baby-ing...which is rare among some of my peers, not because their parents love them any lesser but because i totally allow myself to be baby-ed by them.

My parents are remarkable people (ahh...just as some of you might be thinking this is my channel of brown nosing,trust me,my folks have no idea i blog)...really...we arent super rich or anything but,my folks have done a wonderful job with the 3 of us...we've never been told that we can't afford anything or we've never been told that we can't have something (except for the hovercraft that i wanted when i was 10).
Whats even more interesting is that,when my mum fell ill (numerus factors) my folks decided that its best that my mum stops working and starts free-lancing from home (god knows she can't remain idle) which meant that the household income drops by 50%! and my dad, became the sole bread winner...even through those times,my parents never said NO.

Till today,we get anything and everything we ask for...so now...you'd figure we're a bunch of spoilt brats?...hehe,this is where things get REALLY interesting...

we don't ask just for everything and anything...

this is what happened yesterday:
"ma,i'm thinking of sitting for my MRCS part 1...its about RM1800 and if i fail,i'll have to pay for it again"
"just get the application form,go for your holiday once you come home you can start studying...don't worry about the money"
then she puts my dad on the line
"why are you soo afraid of failing,don't worry you will sit for it until you pass...it just makes you a better person,so how much is the paper?
"1800 ringgit"
"ok...don't worry about it"
"but pa...i don't want you to pay for it"
"your pay sweetheart,is only sufficient for petrol leave it to your mum and me"

Nuff' said!

now,am i the kid that people envied?

i think so...god i am a narcissist.

look after you

let me leave you with this week's theme song....
the fray tend to hit a chord

If I don't say this now I will surely break
As I'm leaving the one I want to take
Forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait
My heart has started to separate

Be my baby
I'll look after you

There now, steady love, so few come and don't go
Will you won't you, be the one I always know
When I'm losing my control, the city spins around
You're the only one who knows, you slow it down

Be my baby
I'll look after you

If ever there was a doubt
My love she leans into me
This most assuredly counts
She says most assuredly

Be my baby
I'll look after you

It's always have and never hold
You've begun to feel like home
What's mine is yours to leave or take
What's mine is yours to make your own

so its finally alone time,all i've been is overworked...got some sleep finally.

there comes a time when even the best of tend to cave in to emotional ties,by ties i mean my patients, to be honest i'm quite cold blooded and uncaring but of late i've taken up for these bunch of kids with some form of renal problem or the other.
I couldnt sleep after coming home from work today...which is quite unlike me and of course after not sleeping for a whole 36hours most of us would be tired,but i just couldnt sleep which was odd.

One girl was bleeding the whole night while another boy's potassium was sky high...and the other one was overloaded. *sigh* why?

anyways,all that aside,my mum tried playing cupid, introduced me to someone...wouldnt say it was bad...infact it was surprisingly easy flowing without awkward silences.oh well...

i'm tired...i've got to get myself registered with the Royal Collage of Surgeons.
till the next one

No1 Edgecumbe Street

Just as how some people have No 1 Downing Street, i've got No 1 Edgecumbe Street and its nice...and i mean nice.
I have the sea 5 minutes away, Gurney drive another 5 minutes away, Subway 2 minutes away starbucks 2 minutes away and of course WORK 7 minutes away.
Not that i don't like work, it could be better though.
Anyway, so i've officially moved in and am settled, finally slept like a baby...that rare given my past 4 months.
Well i've officially got 7 weeks till before i pack myself off to Moscow for my significant others' graduation and i am yet to get my visa sorted.
hmmm...
i must say i like my new housemates,they are both older than me and they are quite easy to get along with...which indeed is a blessing in disguise.
priorities,i have to get mine sorted,i have goals and dreams...i NEED to make them come true,its an innate need for fulfillment...which is sort of like saying i am convincing myself into thinking i really am in need of these things that i previously didnt need...fooled by randomness,no i dont think so.
what i really need now though is sleep,i'm sorry i don't entertain you enough but allow me to acquire my mojo and we'll be right on track.
till then please entertain thyselves with Mr.Haruki Murakami,he is good indeed.