I never knew

There comes a time in your life when you stop and ask yourself, why? why now?...

You tend to wonder if its all intended or accidental...if fate actually took part in messing up your life.Then you wonder off wondering again if this is all it comes down to.

I've started to see patterns in my life...

Law of attraction,you attract what you want,really. You really like your comfort zone but you would like some fun.I have attracted nothing but non commital relationships,be it at work or in my personal life.I can meet a person who could give me attention,time,hormone surges and then some...but i could also keep that person at arms length,that i know is UNFAIR...but as i said earlier,i'm quite comfortable where i am.

Then the other pattern...i tend to like moving about...i don't want to remain put at a certain period of time...i need my breath of fresh air.I need change...regularly (now i sound like engine oil)

I get scared, when someone gets to know me,gets what makes me tick....gets what i want or like.I get scared because my practice of self preservation can indeed cost me dearly...very dearly. I'd like to think that i have made my core friends(extended family members)and am not looking anymore,but then every now and then life teases you with unexpected surprises.

WHY NOW?...i don't fucking know.

And what i really can't understand is why am i such a commitment phobe?i am talking about anything.Not just relationships,but basically anything really,you would need to confirm and reconfirm if its happening.

I hate conforming to norms and rules created by some fool which other 'cultured' fools follow, if its not going to make sense don't bother wasting time at this page.

I like the way we coin terms, to justify EVERYTHING we do...why? i don't know...

"we are in a relationship, an open relationship...so we aren't really exclusive or anything but we are in a open relationship",whatever the hell thats supposed to mean,its either a relationship or its not.

Thats how bloody lame we've become...i have no idea whats in store for us,but at the rate we are going i would rather be classified under 'poultry' than human.

 I never knew that everything was falling through

That everyone I knew was waiting on a queue

To turn and run when all I needed was the truth
But that's how it's got to be
It's coming down to nothing more than apathy
I'd rather run the other way than stay and see,The smoke and who's still standing when it clears.