Redemption

I remember being a Houseofficer, I remember not being able to check my mails or blog or read as i would normally do.
That was by far the fastest year of my life,no actually,last year passed pretty fast too...well the point i was getting to was; everytime i visit prawn prawn's page i expect it to be updated when in reality i knew that it wouldnt be and yet i was taking a chance.

Chance...now chance...is an interesting word, chance could mean risk or advantage.Interesting how it could mean 2 very opposing poles.
So chances...i'm not very good at taking chances.
Another thing that i'm greatly against is indecision.

Indecision is costly, painful, irritating, spells weakness in character...you get me.

The point i was trying to make was, i think, and i admit that i did wrong by someone. Wrong by my standards.
Of course i had reasons to believe that i disliked anyone crowding my space or controlling me,but, i know i did wrong by this person. All of this happened when i decided to sit back and reflect upon my behaviour...which was just before my birthday...also a lot of it had to do with my recent embarkment on a journey i knew i wasn't willing to see through till the end.

All that aside, here's who i think i am...or atleast who i think i've become:
I'm very very very aloof, to anyone and everyone.
I like my space.
I dislike immaturity and absolute stupidity
I am very vigorously being as objective and as non judgemental as i could be.
I have a thick lead wall...

SO,this would then bring us back to the year 2008...oh my,its 2010...time really waits for no one.
I met someone in 2008, who left me confused and in pain...the kind of good pain,you know the 'misarable' feeling.Me being me,too proud and walled up, decided to back off and look for as many flaws and loop holes i could possibly find because,honest to god,i haven't felt anything soo electrifying and charged like that in a LONG LONG LONG time.
*Each 'long' denotes one year.

So, then the defensive side of me found every flaw and disected it like a skillful surgeon looking for the finest of misfits,dislikes,incompatibilities and of course, i was successful.

Happily or unknowingly unhappily successful.

At that time,when you are confused and in pain,it would seem like the correct thing to do.

Right now,corrective measure: i've made peace with this person,not entirely, because people will remember how you made them feel.It takes time and a long long time...especially when the wound is pretty deep.
We had coffee today,it was easy flowing and...very very honest.

Why did i go through all of that?...am i just trying to seek redemption?
The way things seem to be unfolding,i am taking on corrective measures...and i am installing "preventive measures" in me.

Will i be successful?...will this person forgive me?...there's no clean slate with this one.