Day 29

Its been 29 days...

I just got back from Kuching,the flight was surprisingly confortable and punctual.
Now Kuching...Kuching was meant to be my little retreat after an exhausting month,and yes an exhausting month it was.

What Kuching had-2 out of my 3 great friends are there doing their housemanship,and well i needed stability and familiarity.

Reena freaked out because in the 8 years that she has known me,i've never ever ever been extreamly sad or disheartened or anxious or anything less than optimistic...infact being clinically depressed is something soo alien to me.I will never comprehend why or how...but the truth is,i have always had a vision,and i always have had dreams and wants...but in the last 4 weeks,i have been blank and i have been blamming myself for everything.

The closest i've been to being myself in the last 4 weeks was the last 2 days.

We did exactly what we'd do during our Moscow days and their Aussie days,i.e: Long coffees and absolute cerebral orgasms.

We trashed out every probable cause and the best possible solution...and you know what?
The Last 4 weeks was very much needed- to jolt my system and realign myself to my goals maybe?
Or was it my body saying-i am tired,i am not meant for this...i am meant for something greater?
Honestly, in the opinion of beekins and i, our lifes have been predestined...as much as we try to beat systems or choose alternative pathways,we ended up in the system...while we go through life though,the one thing we should do is make the journey an interesting one.

I may not be myself yet...but i am getting there...depression is tiring and it isn't me...i should cut myself some slack,especially since everyone else is cutting me some slack.

Lets see how this goes...