uh?

"I couldn't have breakfast coz i was thinking of you...i didn't have lunch coz i was thinking of you...I did not have dinner coz i was thinking of you.....i could not sleep the night coz i was hungry"

Well, here's how the government makes up for the devaluation of the currency due to inflation-Charges foreign graduates unnecessarily for the legalization of documents. One trip to the dean's office costed me 700rubles...i heard there's more to come.
See...studying for 6 years doesn't guarentee you your degree...its the final payment that does.
Oh Bloody Hell...

Anyways, Syu's folks were around earlier, her sister prepared din din...Ritz was invited but that asswipe FFKed me and ran off somewhere to infuse himself w alco!
Well they leave tomorrow,and till then syu's kinda hindered from CELEBRATING...hehe.

We (syu,dmitry,Ashraff and i) are leaving for Zavidovo on sat, 4days away from the city....for fresh air.
mmm...4 days of Shooting,Riding,Swimming,BBQ-ing,Boozing,CHilling...(excellent way to spend the weekend).

Can't wait to see the bruises caused by the recoil of the shot gun on my shoulders...*grin*

Oh yes, Moscow's the world's most expensive city and for every 1000 rubles in an account, per annum the loss is about 100 rubles, inflation's about 6%.(the 6%'s my figure,will re-check)
Looks like my family away from home's gonna be suffering greatly.

Banana Pancakes

Can't you see that it's just rainin'
There ain't no need to go outside

But baby, you hardly even notice
When I try to show you
this song It's meant to keep you
From doin' what you're supposed to
Like wakin' up too early
Maybe we could sleep in
I'll make you banana pancakes
Pretend like it's the weekend now

And we could pretend it all the time
Can't you see that it's just rainin'
There ain't no need to go outside

But just maybe, like an ukulele
Mama made a baby
I really don't mind to practice
Because you're my little lady
Lady, lady love me
Because I love to lay here lazy
We could close the curtains
Pretend like there's no world outside
And we could pretend that all the time

Can't you see that it's just raining
There ain't no need to go outside

Rain all day and I don't mind

The telephone singing, ringing, it's too early
Don't pick it up
We don't need to
We got everything we need right here
And everything we need is enough
It's just so easy
When the whole world fits inside of your arms

Do we really need to pay attention to the alarm

We've got to wake up slow

...certainly how life should be lived, think my geriatric-ness is getting a little pronounced...

Don Quixote

There's no such thing as an amicable break-up, its basically a common misconception that anything heart wrecking could be deemed amicable or concordant.
Expectations aren't meant for the weak hearted.Too Bad.
Its obvious isn't it-Ritz and i finally did justice to uncle johnnie last night.

26th and 27th of june were trying dates.Un-bloody-believable.

June 22nd, Convocation.
Now, while most graduates felt some sort of emotion, i was numb...NUMB!
The whole concept about opening up a can of worms? yeah...it was just that, only difference was we were dealing with humans.
No doubt, i made a speech (extremly short and should've been sweet) , was totally pleased with the fact that the most important people in my life were there all the way, handled a rough spot with cash, was handed the fruits of my labour, and saw that 'thing' in the eyes of my parents...nothing in the world can beat that feeling.
SO, i've taken the hippocrates oath...fuck.
In about 18days i'll be back in Malaysia, and by then...i should know what i want to do.WHY?
Can't i just not have a plan?
The irony of the entire situation- before walking into 6th year,2nd sem...i had 2 plans with several back up plans-in short, i was SURE...too sure for my own good.
But right now...i'm clueless.
I'll just cross the bridge when i get to it.

Folks left, my family away from home left, several friends have left...under normal circumstances i would've loved this solitary moment. I love being left alone to my own devices. Something just doesn't feel quite right. Its like i know i've completed everything...but it just doesn't seem enough.
Solitaire.

Today's the first time in ages,i'm home...doing absolutely NOTHING.Yes, you are reading just right, i'm doing nothing...just bumming about.Oh, and i woke up way past lunch time. Right now contemplating which would qualify as appropriate time expenditure -
a)Coffee and Cigarettes for breakie, and then meet up with the guys for some grub and infuse ourselves with alco.
or,
b)Taking a shower, going for a walk and parking my ass in a cafe with a book, catch a movie at around1900hrs...and then meet the guys up for a COUPLE of drinks.

Either ways, alcohol's in the picture.

Went to the Bolshoi Theater last night with Syu's family to watch Don Quixote...good fun.Throughly entertaining. Great distraction-according to my mum.(so that i wouldn't notice that they've left...*huh?*)
oh well...Ballets rock.

Learnt a few things over the week.Being a grown up's tough...
I thought growing old was mandatory but growning up wasn't...i don't see anyone giving me a choice.
Being Dr.Viroshini Hari Krishnan's tough...being me is easy...

ok time to reload on some nicotine...and check if my folks have arrived.

Licensed to Kill

Its been 8 days since i've had a decent night's sleep. Totally worn out. I guess we've (azie and i) had a total of 14 hours of sleep excluding last night in 7 days. Hyposomnia at its best.

As of 14th June 2006, i'm licensed to kill and a bum, a very proud one that too.
Exams are over, soon my folks will be here and then its graduation day.
Time to say good bye.

Seems like everyone's more excited than me, had a whole battalion calling me Dr.Viroshini, suddenly the world came crashing...NO!!! hold your horses, not yet...actually- "i'm a bum who is licensed to kill"

In a month's time i'll be back in Malaysia, and soon Moscow will just be a 'distant past'.
I guess it all boils down to-> sense of belonging. Sadly, i've lost my sense of belonging in Malaysia. Maybe it has something to do with the duration i've been away or maybe the age at which i left the country. Maybe its just familiarity. All of which revolves around the most subtle dimension-time.

What do you get when you throw 9 seriously unfit trigger happy medical students onto a mock battle field equipped with guns?-Paintball!!! and lotsa casualties.
Had one of those never ending days yesterday. Finals-Paintball-Farewell Do. All of which require prior organization and TIME (lots of it).
The paper on its own was demanding, then came the running around for our convocation, after which we went paintballing and the guys at the hostel had organized one of those last-minute -parties which meant we HAD to be there. Left the house at 0700hrs and walked in at 0200hrs.

*stretch*

There was no way we could cancel paintball,coz the deposite had been paid and we promised ourselves that we'd do it the very day we become bums.
Unwind and celebrate our status->paintball.Nice.Only if you aren't sleep deprived, hungry and mentally exhausted.
Have enough bruises to convince 1-800-teledera...the major give away might be the shape and location of my bruises. There's one on my gluteus-thank you ashish.You Stooopid Facker!

Anyways the party was kinda like 'Revenge of the Nerds'.
We saw US, the US 6 years ago.While we were partying they were studying. The party was their way of saying, see...we know how to party too.
For the first time in my life i felt like a NERD. Everyone was dancing and drinking, basically just letting off some steam.
There i was, with a drink and a smile, underdressed and tired.Thankfully, i wasn't the only one feeling that way. Something tells me its the age.
Nevertheless, i had a fantastic time.

Well...growing old is mandatory but growing up's optional, and yet...

In a nutshell, i'm single, eligible, available and LICENSED to KILL...

p/s: forgot to mention-overworked, unpaid...and lack sleep.

Callous

Callous indifference to others.

Thats each one of us summed up in one sentence.

Anyways, there's a bug going around, i believe more and more are being infected everyday, the bug however has an expiry date: July 9th 2006.
Common symptoms:Lack of sleep, money and manners.

I've got natural immunization towards this bug-my manners and sleep are not affected by it, but my money keeps talking to me, funnily it only says "bye bye!"

There's a match between brazil and croatia tonight and i've put my money on croatia, just because.
Especially liked the way everyone got excited when i said i'm putting my money on croatia, everyone wanted to place bets with me and they didn't even mind giving me a 1/2 goal lead.
Thats probably because i DON'T watch footie...really. Odd huh?
And...the adrenaline rush from supporting underdogs is unbelievable.

The thing about gambling- it alters your personality without you realizing. Same as the effects of alcohol, only difference-you are sober while doing one of it! (damn i'm funny!)
The point i was getting to was, i may seem stupid gambling on insignificant things, but my mind set while i do it is different compared to some people i know. Well, the moment i place a bet, i've mentally written off the money-so that i don't obsess over my losses, and if i do win-it comes as a bonus.
It should never go beyond a 'fun' thing. Never let it rule your life.I guess its the same for everything around us.Moderation.

Here's one- A fool and his money are soon partying!

Recently found out that USA, wanted FIFA to ban Iran from playing, why?-Because they possess 'Nuclear Weapons'. You've gotta be seriously dim, shallow, illiterate and American to say something like that. Cheers to IQs lower than the size of an Ameoba.
(no pun intended to those who think otherwise)

Well, tomorrow's my final paper and here i am making an entry.
Haven't slept much and have been dealing with idiosyncrasy.
Today was classic though- Dean's office wants to deal with Patil. Poor kid. I saw him with a shovel...he has dug soo deep he's 12 feet under.
Why?-The Piss Faced Rat, fucked him over.
See what happens when you sign a contract with no witnesses?That too for a huge sum?

Here's the song of the week: Frankie boy's Girl from Ipanema. Cheers Bee Kins.

Tall and tan and young and lovely
The girl from ipanema goes walking
And when she passes, each one she passes goes...ah

When she walks, shes like a samba
That swings so cool and sways so gentle
That when she passes, each one she passes goes...ooh

Ooh but I watch her so sadly
How can I tell her I love her
Yes I would give my heart gladly
But each day, when she walks to the sea
She looks straight ahead, not at me

Tall, and tan, and young, and lovely
The girl from ipanema goes walking
And when she passes, I smile - but she doesnt see
she just doesnt see, she never sees me,...

Chemical Romance

Today's paper, in dee's words was the hardest she has ever had to sit for, morally that is... Well one down, one more to go. The next one's going to be a major pain. Everything you've learnt in the past 6 years summerized on one single question paper. Interesting. My alter ego, General Batista has been able to keep certain 'uneducated guerillas' at bay. Mistake numero uno- Sign a contract worth 250,000rubles without a witness or prior authorization. Excellent, he thought the stunt he pulled would shut all of us up, we are now bound legally... No, you assumed we'd fall for it. Au contraire, that was your downfall. See, in pool you think 2 steps ahead...always. This imbecile clearly doesn't play pool, too bad for him, i do! (not like i have a game plan or anything, sometimes playing really clean comes with advantages) The World Cup officially starts tomorrow, as usual, i'm with Germany and yes i am placing bets. Very daring, but tradition's tradition. Their prognosis isn't good. Fine by me. Haven't slept, soon i'll start ranting. Theme song for the week- Give em hell kid, My Chemical Romance. Oh baby here comes the sound! I took a train outta New Orleans and they shot me full of ephedrine. This is how we like to do it in the murder scene. Can we settle up the score? If you were here I'd never have a fear. So go on live your life. But I miss you more than I did yesterday. You're beautiful! Well I'm a total wreck and almost every day. Like the firing squad or the mess you made. Well don't I look pretty walking down the street. In the best damn dress I own? Some might say we are made from the sharpest things you say We are young and we don't care. Your dreams and your hopeless hair. We never wanted it to be this way. For all our lives. Do you care at all? If you were here I'd never have a fear. So go on live your life. But I miss you more than I did yesterday. You're so far away. So c'mon show me how. 'Cause I mean this more than words can ever say.

W

Panthera Tigris altaica

5 days have lapsed since i last blogged...

In the mean time, i managed to -get absolutely hammered(the kind where you are beyond help and make a fool of yourself-bad bad!),get my oncology credit, become the next General Batista, murder my phone, memorize the entire russian keyboard (not easy when your head's filled with qwerty), bounty hunt.

In about 2hours and 15mins, the first part of my finals start. While the whole world slept, i was around here figuring out why is Vladivostok soo goddamn important!...
Until yesterday, it only was related to the 'trans-siberian railroad', but as of now, they have officially finished the very paper i'll be sitting for in a couple of hours.Suddenly this place is the capital of 'medical students with answers'.

Anyways, moving on to more productive things in life, i've got my old sim back, almost done with Bulgakov's The Master and Margarita and i'm one step away from entering the REAL world...

Found out that a 2nd petition has been drafted...everyone's Fidel-Fucking-Castro and i'm Batista...
Its not as if any of those Fidel wannabes know anything about guerilla warfare...but then again i believe in giving someone the benefit of the doubt.Who knows, they might have things their way...

Talking about guerilla warfare, in one of my recent conversations with CJ and Reena, i informed them that i had written in to a 'relief society' that works in Sri Lanka, availing myself for medical assistance.
They asked me questions for which i didn't have answers...
'Is it a relief group or the tamil tigers?'
'Relief group'
'Funded by?'
'I don't know'
From here CJ took over, 'its very noble V,but seriously think about it...you sure you wanna go into jungles? Work first, think of yourself and then help others when you really can'
'20 years from now the world would've passed you by, and it would be too late'

All this serious talk never lasts long around CJ and REENA, because guerilla warfare then became 'pat poh warfare'.
Really fun when you get stuck in the middle...watch them have a go at each other.
Btw, CJ speaks better tamil than me.Which is bad, how can one not know his/her own roots?
Another goal to achieve then.

Well, i shall go reload on some nicotine...think i'm getting cold feet. Lets hope i pull through this paper people.

p/s: its not the tigers (i think)

Complete

Just got off the phone with a whole bunch of people ranging from Reena,to me ma then my cousin and dipta...

Having a swell day, feeling all dandy and lightheaded.

Dee thinks Azie and i are going into our 'hibernation' mood, wake up early enough to have breakkie and lunch, laze around until bed time and sleep through till the next day.Or maybe we are suffering from 'post-tertiary education trauma'.Seriously who wouldn't, when everyone around us are like 'oh my god we are soooo proud of you!!' or 'my my,so you guys are doctors now, you deserve a break after your tough journey of 6 years'.
The 'post-tertiary education trauma' sets in when 'GUILT', a little fucker, shows up everytime someone makes a statement in awe.Guilt is unbelievably hard to deal with albeit common.
WHY- quite simple really, we know what we went through and it really doesn't deserve so much of hype.
I don't deny that we've been through difficult situations but seriously, the hype needn't be all that much.

Talking to Dee reminded me of all the things we can't do anymore- we can't play dumb charades in class no more, we don't have smoke breaks, we don't have another lecture to sleep in, no more mass bunking, we can't curse teachers or cheat during exams. We can't disturb Aaron Yim. We can't drink during lectures. Can't attend lectures drunk. Can't write dumb notes to each other.
It feels soo somber.
People, please cherish every waking moment you have left in Uni, even the bad becomes a joke ...a couple of years down the line.

Talking about graduation and such, i've been given a variety of things to choose from as gifts.
I've got Vegemite on one hand and a cellphone on another.
I'd definitely go with the vegemite, as for the cellphone, i'm yet to decide...but if anyones really interested, i love watches-brands i'm partial to- Swiss Army, Patek Phillippe, Tag Heuer, Breitling, Baume& Mercier.
But when i'm rooted to the ground, i'd realize i can't afford anything more than a Tissot.
*inaudible cursing*

Today's thought: Measure of success.

How do you measure success? We accept that its subjective and every individual has different goals and needs.

But seriously, if we took a second to think about it, we'd understand that it means nothing if we don't feel complete. This however, is my opinion. I believe this is how i'd measure success.
Lets take a hypothetical situation,lets say we focus too much on something and we are bound to neglect some people/somethings along the way.
One fine day, we'd wake up having everything around us, i.e the dream job and paycheque, the dream car, the perfect house and lets say every damn 'perfect/dream' materialistic acquisition.
Who would we be sharing those 'perfect' things with?
These 'markers' of success would be deemed void if, there wasn't anyone to share it with. It could be anyone-family, friend(s), a significant other.
Some of us know what we want but don't know how to get it. As we go along, we'd learn. Finally, we'd get it.

Success is an end result of pursuing a dream.
Nothing beats being able to share a dream. Having someone with whom you could share your dreams with is a luxury not many people appreciate. This someone could be anyone in your life.

This in turn completes you. You know at the end of the day, there's someone walking the path with you, holding you up and never judging you from your failed attempts.
That itself is success in its own rights.

Bottomline -guess all i was trying to say was, being ambitious, dreaming big and getting there is half the battle, the other half is sharing it and keeping what you already have. It would all mean nothing, if we ourselves don't feel complete.

right...

As of today, 31st of May 2006 the class of 2006' i.e: a whole bunch of cartoons and me are no longer medical students ; neither are we graduates...

It started off as any other would've...any other 'zachot' day that is...
Had our final 'zachot', which is actually a 'Professorsky Zachot' and everyone was shitting bricks, of course yours truly wasn't fazed. I basically went in blank, watched everyone freak out and got called in as the first 'foreigner' (when your student card no's A001/00, you don't have a choice). Waffled my way through, got a 5 came out looking like i failed-because this would in turn mean i'd never EVER attend another class with the same bunch of people again(the aforementioned cartoons), and hit the 'park' for beers at 11am!- TO CELEBRATE!

Then...
Aaron Yim drank!!!...thats something allright, he was red by the 2nd sip, totally happy...and even made business deals with me...excellent, should get him hammered more often.

And reality hit me hard, my journey of 6 and a half years has come to an end.
Through these years, we've nurtured relationships of all sorts, learnt a hell lot, built a fort and gotten comfy with our respective positions in society.
Some of us feel its about time all of these stop, some of us feel why stop when we can change them for the better?
Nothing's perfect, widely known fact- same as all relationships- most of them are 90% 'perfect' but its the remaining 10% that make us stray and ruin whats already sturdy and amicable. Because, we are never satisfied.
Being over-protective is another instinct we develope when left in situations like this, we think
we are doing the right thing but we draw that conclusion without consulting with the parties involved. Why?-Familiarity.
There was a time when we'd fight the world together, today we've stooped soo low, that we've decided to fight with each other.
This, i can't quite rationalize.
As i said before, we don't change, we just become more of who we are. At this point of time, i may disappoint you, but that might be because you've classified me in a category where i don't belong. Think about it, remove the label...keep an open mind and i might surprise you.
Trust me on that one.
I have no regrets looking back, there are however things i'm not proud of, but hey how else would i learn if not the hard, more exciting and taboo way?
Everyone around me today have left a mark in my life, and have been and hopefully will always provide the colours for my life story.(some technicolor presentation there)

Well, to conclude this very distorted post, i guess...i don't know, never been a whizz with words.
But you get it right?