They say capricorns are steady,ambitious,hard working,disciplined and persevering when it comes to work and life in general...
I on the other hand am a capricorn who seems to be proving all those above qualities wrong...
Why do i sound like i'm heading towards quarter life crisis at high speed?...coz i am...btw,they say the highest suicide rates are among those who are going through a quarter-life crisis (compared to mid-life crisis or 3/4 life crisis-do people live this long anymore?)
No actually i'm not going through any crisis or neither am i in a suicidal mood (its a cowardly act in my opinion)...the closest i'm getting to suicide is WORKING!I think i am just getting cold feet.
Last night while i was deep in thought (about life),Azie just told me that there's no way the qualities expected in any freaking sign make you who you are, infact its no where close to acurate...yes Azie totally agreed...I only brought up the whole capricorn thing for arguement's sake...*hehehe*
For as long as i could remember, Mondays never made it to my 'favourites' list but yesterday was quite a nice monday...hmm...
1- Our lecturer agreed that she's a guillotine-thats a first!
2- I spoke to my brother (highly refreshing)
3- Spoke to Shammie (long overdue conversation)
4- Spoke to ma (told me her tickets are booked...damn!! time to clear them ashtrays!)
5- Had a 'family discussion' with syu and azie...getting reality checks done on each other and wondering what life would be like 3months down the line.(this contributed to the 'capricious' me)
6- Gajain(my cousin) just told me he's not flying in for my convocation because he has certain commitments i.e;getting married-but i ain't complaining no more coz he promised to make it up to me! *evil grin*
7- Bunked work!!! (nothing beats going against norms)
Well...basically THIS monday provoked me to really think about what i want...
Few problems identified:
-When you get accustomed to living a certain lifestyle...the sudden change leaves you feeling a bit lost/blur/helpless...
-Adapting ourselves to what used to be a fundamental part of ourselves is going to be really hard *you don't teach old dogs new tricks*
-Working culture back home is totally different to what we've experienced here and i just realised NO intern has it easy *FUUUCCCKKKKK*(why did i even want to do medicine?)
-And for the first time, i'm going to be a BUM literally a BUM...its going to be the first time(in 6 and a half years) i go home not for a holiday and as a future investment but as a major liability!
Truth be told,i am just frightened...i don't know what to expect...i'm not sure of what i'm going to face...its not like war...at least at war you'd know if the enemy has nuclear war heads or not...but in a hospital...everything/everyones a nuclear war head in disguise.( i can't believe i just admitted that i am fucking scared)
As i am a walking contradiction- this too shall pass...i know i'll survive, Gloria Gaynor anybody?
I guess the hardest part is when you know what you want but just unsure as to how to acquire it.
So Monday passed and tuesday came along,by this time i was pretty much back to being my old calm,composed and laidback self...
This is what tuesday brought along :- A chauvinistic lecturer, A hall-less convocation and a request to explain what was shown in class on saturday by Adel (yes the syphillis-men-penis video)
See they say most doctors have got the god complex...and they are egoistic,over confident narcissists...(i'm none of the above...except maybe a narcissist)
Today i had the pleasure of meeting an interesting man,who is highly intelligent and passionate about what he does...must add he's also well read...here's the down side- Frighteningly Chauvinistic!
He asked each one of us what we intend to specialize in and nodded his head disapprovingly when a guy told him he wanted to be a pediatrician and did the same when azie told him she was keen in Orthopaedics...Why?
-Paediatrics-a field for women,they handle children better-men aren't cut out for it.
-Orthopaedics- Its a MAN'S field...it involves saws and bones and blood...not for a woman...especially a woman who wears a scarf!...(poor u piggy)
He thinks women belong in low risk occupations which require minimum effort and time, so that when she goes home at the end of the day she isn't too tired for her Husband.( What the fuck?!)
He certainly believes medicine isn't a woman's field...because it affects her domestic life...
(good point uncle johnny but seriously be a little supportive will ya?)
oh well...azie just made a brilliant point,he's wife is a medical practitioner as well-perhaps she neglected him through her early years as an intern?
I've got to hand it to you old man,you were honest enough to say you belong to the old school of thoughts...
Dear Adel,
The video was filled with mutated penises, basically these men didn't bother going to a doctor to see why they had chancres (small blister like things-a clinical sign of syphillis) on their penises. End result: Mutated looking organs...and more infected women...errmm..or men
Now that i've summarized the past 48hours, i've just got to go looking for answers and become a cardio vascular surgeon to piss more chauvinistic doctors off....hahahahahaha...
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3 comments:
"Suspicious ME"
Dear roshan, wuz reading through the first blog and found very interesting comments....very profound through the field of medicine...to make it further interesting, the element of rationalising it with social science....Anyway...gajain anne screwed citing reasons of marriage, world cup, short stays and associated rising expediture of the next 10 months would be detrimental to his pocket...On the other hand, i wuz hoping to travel to europe and took a further dip when hearing all this from him...and personally i have reasons too(will explain in the next call).
Well working is very demanding, if you want it to be...Speaking from an engineer's point of view..when i was about to graduate....many things came into mind...I wanted to work, i wanted to have freedom (in a sense not depending on anyone), wanted to have my own hse/apartment etc...That was then, i was fed up of sharing roomates 4 to a room, i hated the comments from parents...knowing what was going on at home..that's another issue...surrounding friends...you get a blend of characters...the best and the worst...Thinking a new environment/atmosphere would inevitably change me....Rightfully it happened...I was happy...friends time to time was with their own world...i wuz transferred to alor star and eventually to Langkawi..where i still reside...Working is the same...the problem is that for the next 2 and a half years, i would be still working for TNB (bonded 7 years)...Moving jobs..moving to places is hard to comeby for now...
Politicking in office, pressure to handle, not to mention being fresh from the factory....i thought i could take on the world..i did make my presence significant but the most important thing whether i've made an impact to my surroundings....There wuz so much to learn...that text book wuznt sufficient and least exposure to the corporate was the gap that i've got to close asap. Downliners looking at you for decisions, earning their respect and at the sametime giving it back...They looked at me as a threat to their rice bowl.....cheating on overtime claims, illegal jobs outside working hours and blalalalalla...I laugh at them...because I'm mischievious mydelf. You get conned all the time...Look i'm working with high voltage appratus, wrong move and that's it...roasted human instantenously! Looking at so many occupational accidents, and trust me lackaisidal portrayal of humans are normal... The question is how do you get them working....and at the same time transform efforts into results....culture plays a big role...racial culture, working culture, self made culture or watever ppl calls it, are keys to manage. Leave alone politics...
Now then, fundamentally agreed, religious background plays a certain role in shaping one's attitude/approach...But i find it, as an identification tool to classify humans... Deep down inside us...we're all humans..."To err is human, to forgive is divine" So we all make mistakes and then forget. Do we really forget!
Let's say we take a route call "HYPOCRACY", then it's all compromised. Let's say we get into trouble, correcting the religious derailment would be a good option. Some will opt for counselling, reconciliation with frens...or maybe just deal with it yourself...and hope that you dont get insane...The key to all this shit is "SELF ACCEPT". Reality Bites. Hug yourself hard right now, because your love for oneself is far more greater than others....Hehehheheheheheh.........People are like electricity, the want the easy way out....That's why the term Short circuit was introduced...insulation fails and it takes a shorther route to complete the circuit, instead of flowing electrons into the desired path. That would be longer and exausting...So therefore, another term call technical losses(or also know as dissipated losses) is defined. Just imagine running for 10 meters instead of 10 km.
Well there is HOPE out there...I try to be positive...Malaysia BOLEH! Yaa rite fuck all that wishful thinking...not to mention WAWASAN 2020...The other day i went to DATAI, consumer complain on frequent blackouts. and had an outage of 12 hours..The GM Mr Case, Australian cock was furious thinking done deliberately...he was saying the attitude of TNB are such...that you would not achieve WARISAN 2020..i wuz gigling deep down..
The bright side is...if you cant beat them, then join them...Self conflict comes to force right now..
You know you're not like them, but pretending to be like them...WHY? Then everyone including you subordinates will take advantage of you...Passing the whole load on you...It's very true..then suffer a slow and quiet depression...if you fight back,(even though done intelligently) you get screwed somehow or rather..This reminds me a peribahasa " Sepandai-pandai tupai melompat, akhirnya jatuh ke tanah juga!! Why do you think, we are quiet at class? We excel overseas, but in malaysia, silence is the best policy!! So for greener pastures, leave the country! Then you get overseas, the same thing happens, it's a cycle...you cant seem to avoid....(Told to me by frens who used to work in germany & france). Everyone make their own laws....Bend it, break it or condone....Your choice,,,..This is how capitalisme works....
My ten cents worth!!!
Anyway Roshan, i'm preparing some documents to register as a professional engineer...Just got the results officially..Hmmm... wonder how i got the title Ir (ingeniur). might get wicked instead of clever....hehehheeh..!!
in 3 months time..Dr.Dre ooopss sorry Dr. Viroshini Hari Krishnan....Very proud of you dear....Welcome to the playground.
Ir. Saravaiswaran Ramarkrishnan, just got off the platform.....hopefully to join the big boys league someday...
Wuz considering a leap of career...what do you think of Radiography??? Looking at CT scan, medical imaging.... True? Get Real?
Just a thought...Tried calling you anyway...still sleeping i guess.
You seriously are the same with or without swedish and finnish drunkards..hahaha...
By this i mean,you always given me thorough insights without deflating my 'idealistic approach'...
Might i inquire as to why you are suspicious?...mmm...hahaha...
All i can say for now is THANK YOU...
For loving me unconditionally and accepting every flaw of mine-making me a better person-and for consistant guidance...
Well Ir.Saraviaswaran, wait till Dr.Viroshini Hari Krishnan gets home and we'll tackle all problems with a visit to the brewary first!...
My Sim Cards kinda screwed up for now,but do call me at home- +7 495 1255425...
Seriously...thank you...
Capricious as to apposed to suspicious
I'm a Scorpio just like uncle Hari.
We probe in details...meticulous...some say scorpios make good surgeons....i ended up a technical person which could score well too given the inquisitive and hard headed nature... Ideally!
Therefore, innocent till proven guilty!
Have fun...and you get back we'll have a table talk or "tanni" talk.
The treat is on....i answered to you yesterday on the notion of a politician...no promises until something comes up...I dont want to be like gajain anne....promises and later breaks your heart...heheheheeh! Gajain anne just called me...he's leaving for phuket on a missionary trip with the church...he'll be there for 1 week...Good for him...At least he's happy..
It's friday, and i'm at office...clearing up some work..till the next...
bye
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